Regrets
by piewacket
Summary: The ruminations of a dying Commodore James Norrington.  Short little one shot.


Disclaimer: He is not mine. If he were, I certainly would have treated him much better than Disney!

AN: A strange little one shot that kept rolling around in my mind after AWE. I find it somewhat humorous but then I can have a very perverse sense of humor. Now, at least I can move onto writing something else.

**Warning: This is not my usual romantic fluff!**

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It is an odd feeling, the draining of one's life force from one's body. Never thought that it would happen to me at such a young age. Still, I suppose that with a career in the military, I should have given the idea more thought. Too late for contemplation now.

I know it has only been a few seconds but it feels as if an eternity has passed. I wonder, how much longer will I last? It is as if I were a stranger looking back on my own life. Memories of childhood delights and disappointments ebb and flow through my mind. Time starts to spin faster and now the memories are more recent. Perhaps, this is part of my own personal judgment day? I don't believe that I have very much to repent for. And yet, I must acknowledge that I have made errors.

Letting Sparrow go that first time was an error. Then again, maybe not. Mercy is a virtue and the man had at least partially redeemed himself. No, the error was in deciding to follow him. But who could ever have conceived of the events that followed? It was fantastical, almost as if an author with no knowledge of climate and weather patterns and geography had created that disastrous storm out of whole cloth. Losing the ship and her crew had been devastating. Devastation that had led to yet another error.

Why did I sign on with Sparrow and his crew? Must have been a deranged form of self penance. Certainly, watching Elizabeth flirt and amuse herself with Sparrow had been enlightening. Enlightening enough that, when I had the opportunity to steal Jones' heart, I had not even hesitated for a moment. I had learned my lesson well by that time; in this world it's every man, or in Elizabeth's case- every woman, for himself.

Yes, that had also been an error. A horrific one. I never would have guessed that Beckett would have such drive and ambition. He must be modeling himself after Napoleon. Why is it that short men so often feel the need to overcompensate? At any rate, I did seriously misjudge his ruthlessness and now I am paying the price.

A sigh passes my lips as I think of another error. Here I am on a ship that is not my own to captain and within moments I shall very likely be dead. Killed by the father of the man who stole my fiancée and started this whole chain of unholy events. If that is not ironic, I don't know what is. My life seems full of them; moments of irony, that is.

A strange calm washes over me and I realize from where it stems. For all of the errors I have made, I have no real regrets. I did what I did because I thought it the right course of action at the time. The decisions had not been impetuous or rash or ill advised; they had merely been unfortunate. Peaceful. I feel so very peaceful. I can die a man who is at peace with my life, for I have not a single regret to fester on.

Suddenly, my eyes snap open. Aw, bloody hell! I have just thought of the one thing that I can not excuse, condone, or find some mitigating circumstances for. I am doomed to a lifetime in hell for my stupidity. Why did I do it? The anguish fills me until I feel as if I will burst from it. And now I know what it is, what my one regret in life is. The one thing that will torment me throughout eternity. Why, oh why, did I give her that kiss?

I take my last breath thinking that I will forever be fixed in her mind as the man who carried an unrequited love for her, and knowing her chatty ways everyone will hear the tale. I want to shout and rail against the untruth of this assumption but I have no energy left.

As my eyes flutter close, I console myself with the knowledge that it does not really matter, for I shall not be seeing any of them for a good long while. That thought is somewhat cheering as I feel my soul drift down to wait its turn to be ferried across the waters to an afterlife.


End file.
